Changes...

Yesterday we...

*Got dressed



*Went to dance class

*Went to music class

*Took care of some visiting teaching

*Got a haircut

*Got a few manicures

*Enjoyed some cupcakes and sugar cookies

*Went to Costco

*Made dinner (I keep thinking cooking will start to get easier with the three kids, it's not... Sometimes I really want to give it up)

*Made Banana Bread (With Cinderella and Snow White. They helped smash the bananas)

*Bathed three awfully tired children

*Put them to bed early so that we could go out into the world again today...

When I was pregnant with Maddox, life seemed to be easier. That seems dumb to say because of course it was easier, I only had two kids! But, I think what I'm trying to say is that it was simpler. There were just quite a few changes that have came, or are coming quickly, that I kept myself from thinking about because of my pregnant-state. The first of the year brought a whole bunch of realizations that I wasn't really ready for.

I completely FAILED to realize that Holynd would start Primary this year. I really just didn't think that this change was even on the horizon. In fact, I had no idea she was leaving nursery until I received a note on my door from the Primary Presidency welcoming Holynd to Primary as a Sunbeam. I cried. I cried a lot. However, I told myself over and over that it was just Primary. That's it. One change: Primary. I could live with that.

A few days after the New Year, I found myself facing another change. Holynd wanted to start taking dance class. She had been to dance class with a friend and LOVED it. I promised her during her Potty-Training-Regression Phase that if she stopped having accidents she could take dance classes. She stopped having accidents and, boy, she did NOT let me forget that she wanted to take dance class. So, we started dance class. I cried again. Is she not my baby anymore? But, again, I told myself that she was still a baby. It was just dance class. One hour, one day a week. I could handle that.

During our first day of dance class, the other dance moms were talking about a music class for the younger siblings. When asked if I wanted my younger child to participate, I brushed it off. Ok, if Holynd is still a baby, then there's no way Sloane could take a class!? She's so young! But, after a little research it was determined that Sloane was very much old enough to take a music class. It seemed so unreal. I decided to go ahead with it because it's really hard to say 'yes' to one child and 'no' to the other, especially when they're so close in age.

How could two of my kids have lives outside of the house? Ever since Holynd was born I've been so comforted by the fact that we had our little life inside the walls of our home. There was nothing for us on the outside but an occasional outing. We had this comfortable routine where we could keep our own little schedule and not have to bother with anyone elses. I've loved that little bubble. Now all the sudden there's dance classes, music classes, hair appointments, playdates, birthday parties, activities, etc etc etc! And it's not going to get any better!

About two weeks ago, we decided to register Holynd for Preschool. This was a real heartbreaker, but I knew there was NO WAY she was going to walk passed the backpacks at the store without demanding that she go to school this year. I knew of a lady in the ward that taught Preschool and had heard really good things about her, so when she announced she was registering students for next school year, I jumped at the chance. I told myself I could do this. It wasn't a big deal. One, just one of my kids would be going to school. That was it. One kid, two babies at home. I would have so much time to spend with those two babies before they would have to go to school. Years, I told myself. I won't have to worry about those two babies going to school for years. YEARS! After all, we had decided to let Sloane hang back awhile so that she and Holynd wouldn't be back-to-back in grades. Phew... Glad I won't have to worry about that anytime soon.

But, alas, reality would rear it's ugly head again.

I realized that once Sloane goes, Maddox will immediately follow.

Panic. Anxiety. Stress. More panic. Nausea.

Everyone keeps talking about how hard having three young kids at home is, but I realized that the hard part will be sending them out into the world one right after another.

Holynd graduates.

One year goes by.

Sloane graduates.

Maddox graduates.

...and then what?! They didn't tell me to prepare for this. Everyone told me to prepare for the chaos. The chaos that I've grown to love so much. The chaos that makes Matt and I laugh so so hard at the end of the day. Now I feel like I've lost so much time and my little guy is only 3 months old!

Less and less of our days are going to be spent at home. Pretty soon, instead of fighting cabin fever and loneliness, I'm going to pray for a day just to be home with my little ones. It's going to be a very hard transition having Holynd go to school, but I didn't realize that I would be going through that transition over and over and over again.

I know a lot of people who say that they LOVED sending their kids off to school. They loved the freedom and the go-go lifestyle. But, I can honestly say that I've really enjoyed having little kids at home. I really have. I'm going to miss our bubble.

I think my hair is turning grey... is it grey? Be honest.