Where did you go?

Where did I go?

I haven't been blogging lately.

Not because I've given up on my little blog.

More because I'm still getting used to our new little life with our new little addition.

Bennett is amazing. Such a quiet and sweet baby.

I love him more and more everyday.

My other three littles had a hard time at first. There was a very hard week where everyone was acting out and Matt and I were very VERY sleep deprived. I think we lived on prayer alone for a few days. Somehow, we were able to provide some extra attention to those three. Everyone seems to be adjusting well.

Sometimes I feel like I spend most of the day trying to hide Bennett from the other three kids. They love him so much, but a little too much. I learned quickly that I can't get mad about them loving on the baby. This, to them, seems to mean that I love the baby more. It's been easier to just distract them and find something for them to focus all their love and energy on. I'm not perfect. Sometimes I just lose my temper.

I cried a lot at first. After having four babies, not only do I consider this normal, I consider it necessary. Trying to act like everything is perfect makes everything really awful.

There's a learning curve to having a newborn. I used to think that I wouldn't have to re-learn how to function after 3 or 4 kids. It's very much the opposite. Not only do I have to learn how to navigate our new life, I have to navigate all the other little beings I'm in charge of. It was heartbreaking to see how lost they felt those first two weeks. At the time, it felt like we'd never survive.

But we did.

The last month of Bennett's pregnancy was really rough. Even though I was the one going through the physical trial, our whole family went through a difficult time. This was really tough. Up until this point, I really felt like most of the more serious trials were kept hidden from our babies. To protect them. However, this trial could not be kept tucked away. All three knew that something was very wrong. That last month made the transition of having a newborn around a little more difficult.

I'm glad it's over. I don't feel stronger, but I now think my kids are the some of the strongest, bravest people I know.

I still want to blog about Bennett's birth, the kidney infection and Sloane's birthday. However, I'm not quite ready to write some of those feelings down. I still get emotional when I think about Sloane's birthday. I spent her birthday in a hospital bed. I didn't get to see her cute little face. I didn't get to watch her eat her birthday donut. Even though she still had a wonderful day with her G-ma and G-pa, I still haven't gotten over missing out on her special day. It's still very heartbreaking.

That's all for now.

Bennett Wynn

Stop Pickin' on Me!

I am just loving Holynd's age right now. She and her little friends are hilarious. I love hearing about their little conversations and experiences together.

Holynd had such a fun year with Pre-School and Dance Class. I think she's a pretty bummed about summer break, hopefully getting a new brother will take her mind off of it.

For the record, I can't watch this video without crying.

 

 

 

Only a matter of time...

::Holynd::

::Sloane::

::Maddox::

 

This is the point in the pregnancy where I really start to feel overwhelmed by all the emotions. We've sat around this morning, having our usual slow Saturday morning while dad is at work. It's quiet. The girls are talking about Sloane's upcoming birthday and Maddox is eating a cracker, leaving a trail of crumbs, as he follows the girls around - trying to make sense of the excitement the girls seem to have.

 

Things like this make me realize that I'll never get these mornings back.

 

Yes, I'm sure after the baby comes, there will still be quiet mornings. But, my mind will be elsewhere. New babies bring about a whole new schedule - things will be so different.

 

As excited as I am about being able to meet this baby, I know I'm going to miss this too.

 

I'm definitely feeling a lot of discomfort lately. I've been forcing myself to keep up with our regular activities and my body isn't having it. This, for me, is really frustrating. I like to stay busy and so do my kids. I don't do well when I can't have them worn out by 2pm. I start to feel like I'm suffocating in my own house.

 

A lot of people have started asking me when I think the baby will come. Based on my last two experiences, he'll either come in 2 weeks or never. ;) Sloane came easily. Maddox wasn't budging. So, I've had to prepare myself to go early or be induced around my due date. This has basically made me crazy.

 

I made myself wait to start preparing anything specifically for the baby. We didn't really start until 2 weeks ago and there's still plenty to do. The baby's room is far from complete. I haven't even bought a crib or crib bedding yet. In fact, I don't plan to until right before my due date or after the baby comes. I haven't started packing a bag for myself or the baby (or the kids who will be staying at G-ma's). The thought of having everything ready makes me anxious - which makes me even harder to live with.

 

I have done quite a bit of organizing and reorganizing. I did give away all my baby girl stuff. It was hard to pack it all into boxes, but once it was all gone, I really felt like a big weight was lifted. (Not to mention the fact that Matt and I have AMPLE storage space now.)

 

I keep planning activities for the kids so that I have reasons to NOT have a baby. Don't worry, because I'll be packing all three kids to swim lessons everyday during the last part of June. I'll also be at Cowabunga Bay celebrating Sloane's birthday at 37 weeks pregnant. Did I mention that I'm planning three different parties for her?? I guess I'm trying to keep myself good and distracted. (And exhausted). Then if the baby does come, it'll be a pleasant surprise, if not, then I had plenty to keep me occupied during these last uncomfortable weeks.

 

That's fine. Right? (Matt thinks I've gone completely nuts!)

 

35 weeks and counting.

 

 

The First

It's June.

I'm so excited.

It's officially summer.

School is out and tonight Holynd will have her final Dance Recital.

We have so much planned.

Sloane is going to turn three. She also gets to take swim lessons for the first time. We have parties, reunions, playdates, pool trips and so many other things planned.

But most importantly, June might even bring us another baby.

If he does come, I hope he's prepared to come along for the ride. It's going to be a blast!

34 weeks along.