11/1/11

It took me about three days to get over being induced.

At 39 weeks pregnant, with two babies at home, it was really hard to hear that labor might still be far off. I had heard a lot of stories of women feeling pressured to have an induction and the result was an awful labor and less then perfect delivery.

I definitely didn't feel pressured. My doctor was more then willing to let me go overdue. It was me. I was tired. I felt defeated. For some reason, I felt like I had known for awhile that I would need to be induced. Everyday after 38 weeks, I prayed that labor would come soon, so I could meet my little guy. Everyday I became more and more sure that this delivery would need to be carefully watched over and monitored.

As the last days of my pregnancy ticked slowly by, I started to become more comfortable with the idea of an induction. There would be no rush, no surprise. The girls would be safely looked after by G-Ma. I'm a planner, a planned induction should be more then ideal for a person like me. I let myself become more and more excited for Tuesday.

Halloween came and I felt pretty crappy. Contractions came all day long, never getting closer together, only becoming slightly stronger as the day went on. I knew I'd make it through Halloween, even though I was WAY uncomfortable for most of it. I was extremely happy to watch the girls Trick or Treat and at the end of the night, we left the girls in Payson and headed home to prepare for the next morning.

I only slept a couple of hours. More and more contractions came all night long. At 4:45am I finally decided that it wasn't worth it and watched TV for awhile until Matt woke up. It was a pretty easy-going morning. We folded laundry, mopped floors, went to breakfast, kept ourselves busy... until... the phone rang.

It was time to go! We were on our way!

We showed up at 9am. Everything was really relaxed. The nurses took their time getting me checked in and we soon found out that the same nurse who helped with Sloane's delivery would be with us again this time. It was nice to have a familiar face.

They hooked me up to monitors and waited for my doctor. As the nurse was asking me questions, I noticed that my contractions were about 5 minutes apart. Sensing my discomfort she asked, "Did you feel that one?" "Yes" I replied. "You're contracting a lot. This is going to be really easy."

I was still apprehensive. I had been contracting for weeks and had made it to a whopping 1.5 centimeters.

She decided to check me... "I'm going to be conservative and call you a three. Maybe a four during a contraction." she said. I was really shocked. It had been less then a week since my last doctors appointment. As she watched my monitors, she said "I really think you would've have been in here later today anyway." I'm still trying to decide if this was good news or not.

After check-in was complete, my doctor came in and announced it was time to break my water.

This was it.

He broke my water at about 10am and they decided to leave me alone for awhile and see what my body did. I felt a tiny pick-up in contractions, but nothing to really make me that excited. We had a good laugh every time I had to use the bathroom. There was a lot of water! I felt like I had lost inches off my belly.

During this time, I kept my nerves calm by texting millions of updates to friends. It was fun having everyone know that today was our day! We received lots of well wishes.

Just under an hour later, they decided it was time to try a small dose of Pitocin. I was ok with this because I knew that this really wasn't going to happen on it's own. I declined an epidural at this time just because I thought labor would take around 6 hours and I didn't want to be stuck in bed all that time. I also wanted to option to walk in case my labor needed further help along. Plus, my epidurals always make me nauseated.

My contractions really picked up even though the dose of Pitocin was really low. I started to wonder if we would have a baby before 3pm. (I initially thought it would take until 3 or 4 that afternoon). I labored along, moving around in bed to stay as comfortable as possible. Everyone basically left me alone, only checking on us every 30 minutes. I was grateful for this since the contractions were making it difficult to make small talk.

The nurse came in to check me around noon. "Four!" This was exciting because I really hadn't had that much Pitocin yet and the contractions were really intense. Since I was starting to think about an epidural and knowing that my labor always stalls after the epidural, I wasn't surprised when she decided to up my Pitocin dose a little bit. I still declined an epidural at that point, figuring that baby would be here around 2 or 3pm. I thought I had lots of time.

That second dose of Pitocin really picked things up. I found myself completely out of it during a contraction. It hurt up to my chest, down my legs and all the way up my back. I kept moving, changing positions and reminding myself to breath because I have a tendency to hold my breath during contractions.

This was when I started to shake. Shaking for me usually means that transition is starting. Even with an epidural, I'm completely unable to communicate or focus during transition.

I decided then that I needed an epidural.... quick.

She came in at 12:30pm to check on me. Between grunts, moans and breathing, I told her I needed an epidural and to be checked. She ran out to order my epidural and came back to check on me.

At this point, I was worried I wouldn't make it in time to get the epidural. (All the while, I'm shaking and still texting everyone. It was strangely comforting to have communication with outside friends). At this point, the contractions hurt down my ankles. I can't figure out why women always say that it's easier to walk through contractions because I'm pretty sure my legs will break if I try to stand during a contraction. I'm still breathing and now squeezing the life out of Matt's arm during a contraction.

Every time I have to use the bathroom, it's like a race. A race to beat the contraction. I have to get up the minute a contraction ends and then be back in bed before the next one starts. All the while, I'm leaving a trail of water everywhere I go! It's quite the circus show at this point.

She comes in and says that Ryan is right outside waiting to give me my epidural, she just wants to check me real quick..... I'm worried that it might be too close and I'll miss my opportunity for an epidural.... when all the sudden she says, "Still four and baby is up really high".

WHAT THE CRAP?!?

I start to worry that it's never going to pick-up and now here I am totally unwilling to go another minute without an epidural.

I'm trying my hardest to ignore the contractions and hold still so I can finally get the relief I so need! It seems to be taking a lot longer then normal to finish this epidural, but maybe it's because I'm only counting time in contractions now.

Everyone helps me lay back and I wait for that sweet relief. The relief I remember so well from Sloane's birth... Oh I'm so excited to feel better.... I wait, and wait.... and wait.... and wait..

Three contractions go by....

Five contractions go by.....

Still waiting....

Oh my gosh! It's not working! I start to get nervous. I give myself a mental pep-talk. "You were only at a four. You have plenty of time to get this epidural fixed. Don't start panicking. It's going to make everything worse."

At this point, I ask Matt for the fastest blessing he's ever given. As he steps away, he takes my IV cords with him....

Pitocin spills all over the floor.

"OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH!" We call a nurse in and, at this point, I'm so out of it from pain that she just leaves the Pitocin off and calls Ryan back in. I'm really starting to shake and I can feel a huge amount of pressure. I look at the nurse, "This baby is going to fall out".

She decides to check me again. "Oh... 6 and going fast. His head is right here."

Now I'm really starting to panic. I'm cursing myself for waiting so long to get the epidural. "They're not going to fix it. Why aren't they going to fix it!?"

Dr W walks in to check me. "You're close. I'm going to run down and grab lunch. Don't be surprised if you are ready in 20 minutes."

WHAT THE CRAP AGAIN!??! 2 seconds ago you had me convinced that this was going to take all afternoon!

Just then, Ryan and my nurse walk in. She's setting everything up for delivery and Ryan comes in to try and tweak my epidural.

At this point I'm shaking so badly and the pain is so bad I know there's no way it's ever going to get fixed in time. 1pm goes by. I feel as though the contraction is going to split me in half. I can feel baby brother moving down. He's going to fall out. He's going to fall out!

"I want you to deliver at 1:11" my nurse says. "Then you'll be 11/1/11 at 1:11".

K lady! That's all fine and dandy, but my butt is about ready to explode!

Ryan finally decides just to give me a huge additional dose of medicine for my epidural. "She's going to deliver in a matter of minutes. Don't dose her so she can't push."

Screw being able to push! Just let the medicine finally start working.

I can't even comprehend what's going on around me now. The urge to push is so strong that I'm almost climbing up the walls.

1:05 - She checks me again. "9+"

1:09 - Dr W shows up and checks me again. "Just a ring left. I want you to push with the next contraction"

1:10:28 seconds - I start pushing. (I only know this because the nurses all wanted him born at 1:11). Everyone is right. Pushing does make things feel better. It's weird being able to actually feel what's going on as I'm pushing.

1:12 - Dr W tells me to just labor through the next contraction. I barely register what he means. I am clinging to my oxygen mask so hard that there's no way it's able to give me any extra oxygen at this point. I'm laying there shaking and humming. Seriously, humming. "Mmmmmmmmm.. Hhhhmmmmmmmmm... Mmmmmm". Everyone is telling me to breath, but all I'm doing at this point is telling myself not to scream out from pain because that would be so awfully embarrassing!

1: 14- I push again. I scream, grunt and feel incredibly embarrassed, but I can't help it. "One more push for his shoulders. I can feel myself start to cry.... I still have to push out his shoulders! THERE'S NO WAY!

1:15 - He's here. All is well. The pain, the pressure is gone. He's crying and I'm crying. I feel perfect. They lay him on my chest and announce that we do indeed have a baby boy.

1: 20 - I am so completely numb now that they decide to let me hang out for an hour before taking me to my room. GO. FIGURE.

In hindsight, I thought an induction would be so incredibly BORING and UNEVENTFUL that I wasn't even sure there would be a birthstory to tell. I figured I walk in, get my water broken, start Pitocin, get epidural and have a baby. I was SURE it was going to take hours longer then it did. I NEVER even thought about preparing myself for the amount of pain I would have to endure. I had no idea how to manage it. Sidenote: I was numb for HOURS afterward. COMPLETELY NUMB. Had I asked for the epidural 30 minutes sooner, all would've been fine. No one had any idea that it would go as fast as it did. Well, scratch that. When I scheduled my induction, Dr W did mention that he thought that MAYBE this would only take 2 or 3 hours, but told me to expect closer to six. He totally knew that this labor would only need a TINY kick in the butt, but I love that he doesn't tell you things like that. Totally my kind of doctor. I'd much rather be pleasantly surprised, then disappointed.

So there ya go. Maddox's birthstory.

Someone asked me what it was like to go natural. I want to make this perfectly clear: I did NOT go natural. I'm 100% sure that the epidural did take at least part of the edge off my pain. The amount of pain I did feel was crazy and somewhat incredible. I completely understand why women take months and months to prepare for a natural birth because I felt completely out of control not knowing how to handle the pain. Someone else asked me if I wanted a natural childbirth after this experience. My answer: If they could GUARANTEE me that it would only take 3 hours.... maybe. Since they can't make those kinds of guarantees... probably not.